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Thursday, October 3, 2013

Button Pushing


Boy did I get my buttons pushed yesterday. Another awful hair cut was enough to set me off and running. Anger. Injustice. Stupidity. Frustration. Not wanting to make a public scene. Wanting acknowledgment by her of her error and my displeasure. Receiving none.

How petty of me. How human. Then the secondary wounds of her defensive and insulting comments like “It’ll grow out and in a month you’ll like it.” I wanted to scream at her “I have to live through this for a month!

My mind wars with my awareness. It argues this is just a tiny, short lived thing in the sum of my life. This is not life threatening. This is so temporary I’ll probably forget about it.

None of this helps my anger. Why, I ask myself. Do I just want to be angry? Is this just the straw that broke the camel’s back and points to something deeper I’ve not looked at?

In the middle of my writing this I receive an email removing me from a practitioner listing because I did not take a non-required, new, additional course. More button pushing. Clearly something else is going on if a second, ‘injustice’ button is being pushed and I need to get a handle on it. But what? And How?

First, I know consciously there is a gift in this situation. (Like a pony in a roomful of pony manure.) 
I know I’m still in a manure mood because my focus is still manure, not pony! It makes me think consciously, makes me become truly aware and then I know I CAN understand it.

I look inside to get clarity, but it’s a mess inside locked in the emotion of anger.
I look to an external guide: tarot cards. Its wisdom will give me a way back into myself to understand. I begin to get a glimpse, but most is clear as mud. This lets me know I’m still stuck in an emotion that duck tapes over my intuition! Not a good thing.

Back to basics I go: Stay conscious. Know. Keep working at it and allowing the anger. Choose Love.
I do know not to stuff it or pretend it’s not there.  It’s just raw energy.
So I tear the label off that raw energy and it’s just energy.
I ask myself how I want to use the energy. I have choices.

I know unhappy things happen, but indeed it’s the way we respond to them that makes us who we are. I see my highest response: allow, don’t judge and seek the higher path.

Long ago, I was in an amazing space of constant higher vibration, connection and love. It lasted for a very long time. I am realizing that higher vibration place is a wave form. Sometimes we’re there, sometimes we’re not. As life events shift, so do we.  It certainly makes me better appreciate the times I am in that higher space!

So I’m just in allowance of it all. I watch my silly overreactions and allow them. I know I can move back into my feel good space by my intention and practice of all the basics to achieve that feel good space.  So I read, listen to music, laugh, create good times with or without friends, meditate, reflect and constantly choose joy. I do this over and over until I achieve that feel good space.

All those triggers simply reminded me to look deeper, find the metaphor, see what’s really going on. It makes life ultra interesting.

Choosing to hold on to my anger serves the energies of darkness adding to the sum total of discord on this planet. It is clearly Service to Self (which separates and judges).
As I choose Service to Other Selves (which acknowledges others and I are one), I know I am adding to the sum total of Love and Light that heals this planet. Acknowledging this, the choice is easy.

My mood shifts and I see inside and outside much more clearly.
It was just a ‘bad hair day’ and it’s gone now.
Very Bad Hair Day!

I pushed different buttons: love, light and joy.


 If you find yourself in a similar low vibration place, push some of your own buttons and let your heartlight out.

Together we are changing the world. We are reflections and magnifiers of the new Light on this planet. Choose.

It is always an option.